Andrews Document Service

Family Law Document Preparation website

 




   
      
   
  Serving Florida
  Residents
  Since 1992
   
   
 
 Ten Tips for a Successful Divorce    

1.  THERE ARE NO WINNERS IN DIVORCE.

Keep your priorities straight.... Even if you get custody of the kids and huge share of the assets, you haven't won. Actually you've both lost — your partner, your soul mate, your dreams of happily ever after. What about the kids? What will they be losing? How will the fight with your spouse—their mom or dad, effect them? Doing the revenge thing might make you feel a little better, but how will you both be viewed later-- by your kids, or your family, or even your friends. Is that what you really want?

2.  DON'T GO BACK TO SORE SPOTS IN YOUR RELATIONSHIP.

Don’t keep picking at old wounds — Reminding your spouse what they did wrong or failed to do during the marriage will only prolong your mutual agony. Keeping guilt and anger alive will keep you connected, but only in mutual pain. Look at it this way: His or her flaws aren't your headache anymore.

3.  DON'T USE THE KIDS AS PAWNS.

A big mistake! Divorce is tough enough on the kids without the parents playing head games with them. Please do what's best for the children in terms of custody, visitation, and emotional issues. Meaning, don't keep the kids from seeing the other parent. Don’t ask a young child to choose which parent they want to live with. That’s NOT fair! If you want to find this out, involve a third party, perhaps a neutral relative, friend, or child professional. They should be asked the tough questions while you two are not around. What kid wants to tell one parent that they want to live with the other parent? And don't ask them hundreds of questions about daddy's or mommy's new girlfriend/boyfriend, or which parent they love best.

4.  DON'T ALIENATE YOUR EX'S FAMILY.

When you married the son/daughter, you became their son/daughter-in-law. And through the children, you still have ties — which will be harder to maintain if you constantly belittle and complain about your ex to the people who raised him. That's what friends are for.

5.  DON'T PROLONG THE SETTLEMENT PROCESS.

In a perfect world, everyone gets what they deserve.. But life (and settlements) aren't always fair. Obviously, you don’t lie down and play dead concerning important financial issues. But when it comes to stupid stuff like who gets the CD collection, or the china cabinet you got from Aunt Ethel, let it go! If you two keep arguing, stalling, or nickel-and-diming one another, all you do is delay your divorce, lose your kids respect, and maybe that of the community. Is it worth all that PLUS thousands of dollars in attorney’s fees just to make a point or get your way?

6.  DON'T EXPECT EMOTIONAL RESOLUTION.

Review #5. Yes, as they say "Life’s a B----" You have just experienced "injustices" which might never be "righted" to your satisfaction. Sure, perhaps he or she cheated on you, or one of the many other things that humans do to those they should love and be committed to. But if you wait for full closure to get on with your life, you might be waiting an awfully long time. You need only to be honest with yourself. Take whatever lesson you can learn from the experience and MOVE ON!

7.  BE CIVIL AND COOPERATIVE.

Again, If you can’t save the marriage, try and save the divorce! Stay focused on what you want to accomplish. You may have to work even harder at communicating than you did during the marriage, but at least it doesn't have to be under the same exhausting conditions. By keeping your meetings pleasant and cordial, you may find common ground and ultimately reach mutually acceptable solutions.

8.  ERECT HEALTHY BOUNDARIES.

Remember…You're not a couple anymore. You don't have to (and shouldn't) tell each other everything. Confine your conversations to only those things which you still have in common -- like the kids. Refrain from sharing too-personal details such as each other's sex life.

9.  DON'T BECOME EACH OTHER'S SEX LIFE.

Yes, we know you're both lonely, scared, vulnerable. Such fear and anxiety attracts you to the familiar – your ‘Ex". Not only can that cause you legal problems, but why would you want to put your heart through that emotional wringer again?

10.  REVENGE IS OVERRATED.

Review #5,6! Revenge is like a pot-bellied stove. It holds in and vents up the chimney, more heat than it shall ever give off. Don’t hang on to the pain of your past. Instead, turn your attention to the building of your future.